Fazilat Nassiri

Fazilat Nassiri is a new board member at America SCORES Bay Area. Born in Tehran, Iran, she moved to Canada with her family when she was six. She grew up mostly in Canada but maintained strong ties to Iranian culture. Eight years later, her family moved back to Iran where she finished high school and attended college. In this latest Five Questions With conversation, Fazilat discusses the challenge of feeling like she didn’t fully belong in either culture and how that experience developed her strong sense of empathy and drive to create inclusive communities. We also delve into her deep passion for soccer, which she still calls football.

Moving from Iran to Canada must have been a big change for you as a kid. Did it have an impact on who you’ve become as an adult?

I’ve thought about this a lot. I always had a strong sense of being an immigrant. I arrived at school knowing only four words of English. I had to figure it out fast. I spoke Farsi at home and went to a Persian school in the evenings. But my Dad reminds me that two months after we arrived, my new friend called me on the phone at home, and I talked entirely in English. We stayed in Canada until my last few years of high school when we moved back to Iran. 

Recently I’ve acquired the language and vocabulary to explain that experience. I very much identify as a third-culture kid, which basically means you grew up in a culture different from the culture your parents grew up in. My parents were adults when they moved to Canada, and so I, as a kid, grew up in a very different culture than they did. But I’m not fully Canadian and I don’t fully identify as Iranian. 

So you’re straddling this third culture, which is neither this nor that. Like many third-culture kids around the world, I always struggled with a sense of belonging when I was growing up, both when we were in Canada and when we moved back to Iran, where I realized my parents were in their home setting. They were at home, but it wasn’t home for me, and I still felt weird at school. I didn’t understand the cultural references. After I finished college, I moved to the UK and lived there for a while. I’d always thought that when I moved out, the new place would feel like home. But the UK definitely was not home. Every time I opened my mouth, they thought I was American, but the closest I was to that was Canadian, and I wasn’t that either. 

In the process, I’ve developed a stronger sense of empathy toward outsiders and an understanding of what it feels like to be in a space or a culture and not feel fully part of it. I also empathize with people in the different ways they grew up, how they present themselves, what their childhoods and upbringings were like, and all forms of diversity. It’s become a defining part of how I think about the world –  in my work as a recruiter, how I spend my time, and what I like to do. 

Have you found a true home since then? 

I moved to the Bay Area 11 years ago, and I’ve found an incredible community of people. And it’s the first time I do kind of feel like this is home. I’ve lived longer in the East Bay than anywhere else in my life. And there are people from all over here. Now if someone asks me where home is, I say, “Oakland,” because this is as close to home as I’ve ever felt. And it’s not about the physical space or the name of the city – it’s more about the people. 

So for me, home is people. Where is the community? Where are the people I like to spend time with? Where are the chosen family and the chosen community? It’s not where I was born, and it’s not a community without problems, but it’s where I choose to engage with the people around me. And it’s a big part of why I wanted to join the America SCORES Bay Area board.

You’ve had quite a career path. Take us through your journey.

I’m a career transitioner. I studied mining engineering, thinking I was going to be a rock mechanic and do project management in mines. Then I went to graduate school for business, still thinking I would work in the mining engineering field. But instead, I got a job in television production and moved to the UK. When I left the UK after five years, I knew I didn’t want to work in TV anymore – it wasn’t something I was particularly passionate about. Then I started working for some start-ups in the Bay Area and found my way to one company that needed an operations person. That job led to me starting Gold Talent, helping early-stage EdTech and learning companies find and retain top talent.

I’ve jumped from one thing to the other, like career ADHD. The more diplomatic way to describe it is to say I’m a deeply curious person. I’m curious about people. Who is this person in front of me? How did they become who they are? How did they get here? What are their weird glitches? I’m also curious about companies and processes and all these different things to learn. How do we bring these people to places where they will flourish? 

You’re a massive soccer fan (or football as you still say). Tell us about your version of soccer passion. 

I grew up with football (soccer) in our household. My dad played on a local team with his friends. He was a goalkeeper. He would drag us to games every Sunday, and we would stand close to him while he was in goal. I’d ask what was happening, and he’d say, “I can’t believe they did that.” It was a way we connected. 

My dad wasn’t a fan of Sunday cartoons. Instead, he would say, “The football in my blood is dangerously low and I need to watch it now.” So if he wasn’t playing, we would watch updates on TV on what was happening in the world of football. Iran is a big soccer nation. They love their football though it’s not the sport we’re best at internationally. But it’s the sport people care about the most. Everyone has a team and every child grows up playing it. I, though, didn’t grow up in Iran, so unfortunately I didn’t grow up playing it myself. 

I’ve always watched the World Cup, but during the pandemic, very early on when everything else shut down, it became an obsession. Then I started watching the Premier League. I still watch almost every game, which is a lot, like ten games a week. And then I also watch the Champions League and Copa America finals when it’s happening. 

What is it about soccer that has so addicted you? 

I think soccer is a microcosm of everything else in life. You see failure, you see triumph. It’s like a Shakespearean drama unfolding in front of you week after week. You see these characters rise and fall and succeed and fail, and do all of that so publicly. It’s fascinating. 

I feel like every time I've had struggles in my life – like leaving a job, for example - I’ve felt like this is the end. Then I watch soccer and see a coach that just got sacked. People have laughed, but it’s still OK. They’ve managed this on such a public scale and come out the other end. My life is not that public, but their public lives provide a great example of dealing with life’s ups and downs. 

I love the way soccer is a way to pull people and communities together, whether you’re in the stands, sitting at a bar, or watching it from home. You’re equal to any other fan watching the game. Doesn’t matter if you’re a woman or a man, from this city or that one, a fan of this club or team or another. It doesn’t matter what your age is. All that matters is that you’re interested in it. It transcends a lot of these boundaries we put around ourselves in other ways of life, right?

I identify as a woman. I’m 5’1”. I can’t play basketball. There are so many things that make up our identity. But I can sit in a cab and talk to the driver. He might say, “I’m from Columbia,” and I might say, “Oh, how’s that player doing for you?” And he’ll get so passionate! I love that I get to connect to random people all the time through a sport that is so universal. 

To read more Five Questions With conversations, go here.